


Dean's Big Hit (And How He Got Hit Back)

by H00D1N1



Category: Long Exposure (Webcomic)
Genre: Abuse, Boys Smooching, Dean dies and ascends to garbage hell, M/M, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 15:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12867564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H00D1N1/pseuds/H00D1N1
Summary: Dean hits Jonas, and Jonas runs off, sick of it. Jonas then conspires with Mitch, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, and other colorful characters to give Dean a hit so big he will never hit again.





	Dean's Big Hit (And How He Got Hit Back)

**Author's Note:**

> have I shitposted enough? no. will i stop? no.

After a romp out with Mitch, and after Mitch shouted about being really fucking gay for Jonas, Jonas had to go home because Dean called. Dean is a huge dick to Jonas, and tells him that he will catch the gay disease because of hanging out with Mitch. Jonas tells him that he is delusional, and then it happens. Dean does a Big Hit. There's read and really good art here, but this is writing so that's not shown yet. 

Jonas grabs his skateboard and skates fast, leaving Dean behind in the dust. My sweet son weeps, for he doesn't deserve this. He returns to one of the few people who truly loves him- Dwayne the Rock Johnson. The Rock picks Jonas up in his loving, motherly embrace, and weeps for his sweet son, whomst is my sweet son also. "Who hurt u, Jonas," asked The Rock, cradling Jonas in his arms. "Dean. He did a big ol hit and it was really bad." The Rock nodded, and called up Jonas's future boyfriend, Mitch. 

After giving Jonas the love and comfort my boy truly deserves, they hatch a plan. "If Dean gets a big hit," They reasoned, "He'll feel it so bad he'll never hit again. I mean, he'll still be garbage, but, close enough to improvement." Dwayne the Rock Johnson called up some friends to make this work. As per shitposting usual, John Cena is invited. 

The plan is hatched. Jonas stands at the street outside his house, holding Mitch's hand. My sweet boys. Jonas shouts,  **"Hey this is Mitch and hes my fukcing bofyriend"** and gives himself some light stairs because damn, that height difference, and then smooches Mitch. Dean's eyes glow, as if in a deep-fried meme, as his homosexual activity detectors go off. He exits, after eating a hearty drink of water casserole. 

 **"JOBAS,"** Dean bellows,  **"THATS GAY. GAY IS BAD."** He looks as if he's going to perform another hit, when Dwayne the Rock Johnson and John Cena pop out, and do a huge combo hit that knocks Dean into the ground. But the water casserole seems to be a great source of strength, as he gets up. But foolish Dean forgot about the greatest power of all. God himself. 

God comes in on his heelies, doing some baller vape tricks.  **"Foolish Dean. Love is Love. Shut."** He runs over Dean, and Dean is out for the count. God high-fives my two beautiful sons, Jonas and Mitch, and marries them on the spot. He disappears, and suddenly the car guys pull up. They get out, and instead of heading for Mitch and Jonas, they pick up Dean!!!!

They explain that they were here to pick up  _Dean_ and take him to the city dump, where he belongs, and were only after the boys to ask about Dean's whereabouts. Now married and happy because they can be gay, Johan and Mitch lived happily ever after, and also adopted a dog probably.


End file.
